I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
