We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
