are you so shy because you have an std?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
