I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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