i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
