I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
