i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
