I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
