I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
