I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
