ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize