Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
