he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You're a waste of cheezeits
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize