how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
