New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
