tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
