You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
