Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
