Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
