On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
