we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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