legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
