I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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