Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She's the barista slut.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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