she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I yelled at your uterus for you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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