So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
last night I used snow as a chaser
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