There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
whose parrot is this?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
