You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
