I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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