I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
