he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
