even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
