you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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