I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
