Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
