I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
