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JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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