He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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