my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
