So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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