Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
