I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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