im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I checked into jail on foursquare
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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