Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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