watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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