the condom got lost in my hair
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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