Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
