Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
