Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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