I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
