No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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