I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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