Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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