apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
