my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
