just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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