btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize