We're like a lot better than the average bears
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
