I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
