I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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