Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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