How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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