Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize