the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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