who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
