he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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