Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
