God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
