Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
