In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
