I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
