nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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