porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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