Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
