just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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