She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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