I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
