I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
