What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
