you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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