Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
