I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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