Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

now i know why i became what i already was.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.

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(916): View more from California

Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store

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(714): View more from California

im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.

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(406): View more from Montana

Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out

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(856): View more from New Jersey

I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast

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