Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
