He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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