Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
