The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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