i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
