Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
