This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
