You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
