biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
