Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
