Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
