I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
