I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
