I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
where are you?
Hypothermia
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
