I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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