If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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