butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
