what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's never too late to be topless.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's rum buckets o'clock
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
