Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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