sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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