I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
