I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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