Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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