i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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