I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
