she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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