before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
