hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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