were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
