I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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