There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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