I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
