And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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