It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
